The Art of Self Care for Mothers
By Jane Sheppard
One of the most important things you can
do for your children is to be healthy yourself.
If you are stressed and tired, you are not
giving enough to yourself. Stress can be the
cause of a wide variety of ailments and serious
disease, from allergies to pain to heart attacks.
I’ve had to learn about taking care of myself
the hard way. I know how to deal with stress
since I’ve studied it extensively and used
to teach stress management. I’m the first
person to lovingly tell others to take care
of themselves. I used
to take care of myself by meditating and getting
massages regularly, hiking in nature and taking
plenty of time for me.
Then I became a mother. Being the only parent
my daughter has and the sole provider for
the two of us, I was focused on just two things
- my daughter and making a living. There were
simply not enough hours in the week to do
everything, so taking care of myself had not
even entered into the picture. Knowing that
I need to take time for me is not enough.
The trick is to figure out how to do
it and still meet the needs of my daughter
while continuing to pay the bills.
When my daughter was age two, I was given
a wake-up call. My body gave out. I had so
much pain in my neck and shoulder that I could
barely function. I also found myself completely
drained and in a state of deep exhaustion
from lack of sleep. This was very alarming
since I did not know how we were going to
survive if I couldn’t work. Who was going
to take care of my daughter if I couldn’t?
Realizing the severity of the situation,
I decided I had to get away if I was to get
any rest; if only for one night. I was amazed
at how easy it was to set this up. It took
about 20 minutes to make a few phone calls
to set up a mini-retreat. I drove my tired
body to a remote cabin in the forest only
20 miles away. There was a hot tub, sauna,
pool, comfortable bed and, best of all, peace
and tranquillity. I also arranged a massage
and an acupuncture treatment for myself. Basically,
all I could do at the cabin was sleep and
rest, but this was something I could not do
at home. I had to actually step out of my
life for about 30 hours. 30 wonderful hours
of no work and not taking care of anyone but
me.
How many times have you said you would love
to get away to a little retreat but it’s “just
not possible”? Perhaps you have a baby or
toddler that is not ready to be away from
you all night. Short day retreats can be just
as wonderful. You don’t have to do an overnight.
Or you can take naps with your baby or begin
to do regular infant massage. Giving a massage
to your baby can be relaxing and nuturing
to you as well as your baby. The point is
to make it a priority to carve out time for
relaxation whenever you can. We must regularly
do the things that foster peace and serenity
in our daily lives. We must turn off the noise
and busyness that has become so common. Unless
we are regularly taking care of ourselves,
our bodies will call for attention. If we
do not listen to the call, they will begin
to scream. When our bodies scream for attention,
they do it with pain or serious disease. If
we let it get to that point, then everyone
suffers for then we can’t
take care of our children.
My little breakdown would never have happened
if I were listening to the clues my body was
giving me and gave myself rest and relaxation
regularly. If I had been receiving massages
once or twice a month all along, I may not
have needed three within one week, along with
acupuncture. The retreat was exactly what
I needed, but it would have been better if
I been doing it periodically with joy instead
in an emergency when I could barely move.
Yes, our children need us to be there for
them wholly and completely. But we
need to be whole and complete in order to
take care of them well. We need to be happy
and healthy first before we can have happy,
healthy children. We can’t teach our children
how to be healthy without modeling it ourselves.
Nor can we look to anyone else to make us
healthy. Health practitioners or doctors may
be able to assist us in our healing process,
but true health must come from deep within
ourselves. This is our responsibility. True
holistic health means to be sound and vibrantly
well on all levels of being - physically,
emotional, mentally and spiritually. To be
truly healthy, we need to address each of
these aspects.
Meditation and Yoga
Meditation is a practice that can address
all of these aspects by renewing our minds
and bodies as well as nourishing us emotionally
and spiritually. There are many types of meditation.
It doesn’t have to be religion-oriented. When
we meditate, we shut out the hullabaloo and
distractions of our busy lives and connect
to our soul or to whatever supreme being we
may believe in. Daily spiritual practice is
important to our sense of well-being and peace
of mind. Yoga is a form of meditation and
exercise that provides deep relaxation for
the mind and body.
Massage Therapy
Massage therapy can enhance every system
of the body, as well as emotional and mental
well-being. Massage is one of the best things
going to relieve stress, quiet your mind,
and soothe your aches and pains. Ask around
to find a good massage therapist in your area.
If you don’t think you can afford it, begin
putting a few dollars into a massage fund
on a regular basis. Massages can cost anywhere
from $25 to $150, depending on the type of
treatment and where you live. It never hurts
to ask if a therapist will accept less money
than the normal fee. Some do a sliding scale
and others may even do a trade for a service
you provide. The point here is that if you
are really committed to receiving a massage,
then nothing can stop you. There is always
a way to work it out.
Aromatherapy Baths
Very few things are more relaxing than a
hot aromatherapy bath at the end of a long
day. Make this a ritual; your special time
with no interruptions. After the kids are
asleep, take the phone off the hook, fix some
relaxing herbal tea, light candles and put
on soothing music. Take as long as you need
to unwind and feel at peace. The healing properties
of plants, in the form of essential oils,
added to the therapeutic power of water is
a very effective way to relieve stress.
You may even be able to take an aromatherapy
bath during the day while your kids are napping!
Essential Oils
Essential oils can also give relief to muscular
pain, skin conditions and even depression,
depending on the choice of oils added to the
bath. Lavender relaxes, eases muscular tension
and promotes sound sleep. Clary sage has antidepressant
properties with calming, uplifting, euphoric
effects. Clary sage is also good for PMS,
menstrual cramps and menopausal symptoms.
Roman chamomile helps to relax and relieve
PMS, anxiety and tension. German chamomile
soothes red, inflamed, sensitive skin and
allergic conditions such as eczema, psoriasis
and itchy, dry skin. It is also used for inflamed
joints and muscular pain. Marjoram can ease
muscular pain as well. Chamomile, clary sage,
lavender, marjoram, neroli, sandalwood and
ylang ylang are oils that are both sedative
and antidepressant, while bergamot, geranium,
melissa and rose can help to lift the mood
without sedating. A great evening bath to
relax in is 12 drops of lavender and 3 drops
of neroli.
Elements of a Healthy Lifestyle
Good nutrition, physical exercise, relaxation,
spirituality, positive thinking, fun, laughter,
creative expression, love, intimacy and sexuality
are all necessary elements that we must make
time for if we want to be healthy. Which of
these elements are missing from your life?
Begin to incorporate them into your life now
so you can avoid a healing crisis and live
with vitality.
Self-Love
Can we learn to love ourselves as much as
we love our children? We must if we are to
truly instill self-love in our children. The
most important thing we can do for our children
is to teach them to love themselves. The best
way to teach this is to model it. During your
daily meditation, visualize the face(s) of
your child(ren) and feel the intense love
you have for them. Really get into this feeling.
Now hug yourself and direct this strong love
toward yourself. Feel it flowing through your
entire body. Keep hugging yourself and say,
“I am worthy of self-love and attention. I
take time to nourish and nurture myself.”
Write this down and post it all over the house
where you will see it and read it over and
over again. This is not silly. It is life-affirming
and could actually save your life.
Plan of Action
If you’ve always given to others and rarely
to yourself, you may encounter some resistance
to this change from your kids, or maybe even
your husband, when you begin to take time
for yourself. You may need to explain to them
the reasons why this is so important, not
only for you but for them as well. Write up
a plan of action for taking care of yourself
regularly, sign it and have your husband and
children sign it so they know how serious
you are. Include them in the planning. Ask
them what they would like to do while you’re
away to make it special for them. My daughter’s
very first night sleeping anywhere else but
in my bed next to me was an adventure of true
delight for her. She now looks forward to
sleeping over at her friend’s house.
When you need alone time, let your children
know that this alone time is for them as well.
We can teach our children that we need quiet
time and so
do they. Children can also be taught
to meditate and do yoga right along with you.
Make sure you let them know that you are not
abandoning them. You are doing something that
benefits them as well as you. Most of all,
let them know how much you value yourself.
The art of self-value is a wonderful gift
to pass down to a child.
|
|
Use
the information provided on this site as an
educational resource for determining your
options and making your own informed choices.
It is not intended as medical advice or to
diagnose, prescribe, or treat any specific
illness.