The Art of Self Care for Mothers
By Jane Sheppard
One of the most important things you can do for your children is
to be healthy yourself. If you are stressed and tired, you are not
giving enough to yourself. Stress can be the cause of a wide variety
of ailments and serious disease, from allergies to pain to heart
attacks. I’ve had to learn about taking care of myself the hard
way. I know how to deal with stress since I’ve studied it extensively
and used to teach stress management. I’m the first person to lovingly
tell others to take care of themselves. I used
to take care of myself by meditating and getting massages regularly,
hiking in nature and taking plenty of time for me.
Then I became a mother. Being the only parent my daughter has and
the sole provider for the two of us, I was focused on just two things
- my daughter and making a living. There were simply not enough
hours in the week to do everything, so taking care of myself had
not even entered into the picture. Knowing that I need to take time
for me is not enough. The trick is to figure out how to do
it and still meet the needs of my daughter while continuing to pay
the bills.
When my daughter was age two, I was given a wake-up call. My body
gave out. I had so much pain in my neck and shoulder that I could
barely function. I also found myself completely drained and in a
state of deep exhaustion from lack of sleep. This was very alarming
since I did not know how we were going to survive if I couldn’t
work. Who was going to take care of my daughter if I couldn’t?
Realizing the severity of the situation, I decided I had to get
away if I was to get any rest; if only for one night. I was amazed
at how easy it was to set this up. It took about 20 minutes to make
a few phone calls to set up a mini-retreat. I drove my tired body
to a remote cabin in the forest only 20 miles away. There was a
hot tub, sauna, pool, comfortable bed and, best of all, peace and
tranquillity. I also arranged a massage and an acupuncture treatment
for myself. Basically, all I could do at the cabin was sleep and
rest, but this was something I could not do at home. I had to actually
step out of my life for about 30 hours. 30 wonderful hours of no
work and not taking care of anyone but me.
How many times have you said you would love to get away to a little
retreat but it’s “just not possible”? Perhaps you have a baby or
toddler that is not ready to be away from you all night. Short day
retreats can be just as wonderful. You don’t have to do an overnight.
Or you can take naps with your baby or begin to do regular infant
massage. Giving a massage to your baby can be relaxing and nuturing
to you as well as your baby. The point is to make it a priority
to carve out time for relaxation whenever you can. We must regularly
do the things that foster peace and serenity in our daily lives.
We must turn off the noise and busyness that has become so common.
Unless we are regularly taking care of ourselves, our bodies will
call for attention. If we do not listen to the call, they will begin
to scream. When our bodies scream for attention, they do it with
pain or serious disease. If we let it get to that point, then everyone
suffers for then we can’t
take care of our children.
My little breakdown would never have happened if I were listening
to the clues my body was giving me and gave myself rest and relaxation
regularly. If I had been receiving massages once or twice a month
all along, I may not have needed three within one week, along with
acupuncture. The retreat was exactly what I needed, but it would
have been better if I been doing it periodically with joy instead
in an emergency when I could barely move.
Yes, our children need us to be there for them wholly and completely.
But we need to be whole
and complete in order to take care of them well. We need to be happy
and healthy first before we can have happy, healthy children. We
can’t teach our children how to be healthy without modeling it ourselves.
Nor can we look to anyone else to make us healthy. Health practitioners
or doctors may be able to assist us in our healing process, but
true health must come from deep within ourselves. This is our responsibility.
True holistic health means to be sound and vibrantly well on all
levels of being - physically, emotional, mentally and spiritually.
To be truly healthy, we need to address each of these aspects.
Meditation and Yoga
Meditation is a practice that can address all of these aspects
by renewing our minds and bodies as well as nourishing us emotionally
and spiritually. There are many types of meditation. It doesn’t
have to be religion-oriented. When we meditate, we shut out the
hullabaloo and distractions of our busy lives and connect to our
soul or to whatever supreme being we may believe in. Daily spiritual
practice is important to our sense of well-being and peace of mind.
Yoga is a form of meditation and exercise that provides deep relaxation
for the mind and body.
Massage Therapy
Massage therapy can enhance every system of the body, as well as
emotional and mental well-being. Massage is one of the best things
going to relieve stress, quiet your mind, and soothe your aches
and pains. Ask around to find a good massage therapist in your area.
If you don’t think you can afford it, begin putting a few dollars
into a massage fund on a regular basis. Massages can cost anywhere
from $25 to $150, depending on the type of treatment and where you
live. It never hurts to ask if a therapist will accept less money
than the normal fee. Some do a sliding scale and others may even
do a trade for a service you provide. The point here is that if
you are really committed to receiving a massage, then nothing can
stop you. There is always
a way to work it out.
Aromatherapy Baths
Very few things are more relaxing than a hot aromatherapy bath
at the end of a long day. Make this a ritual; your special time
with no interruptions. After the kids are asleep, take the phone
off the hook, fix some relaxing herbal tea, light candles and put
on soothing music. Take as long as you need to unwind and feel at
peace. The healing properties of plants, in the form of essential
oils, added to the therapeutic power of water is a very effective
way to relieve stress.
You may even be able to take an aromatherapy bath during the day
while your kids are napping!
Essential Oils
Essential oils can also give relief to muscular pain, skin conditions
and even depression, depending on the choice of oils added to the
bath. Lavender relaxes, eases muscular tension and promotes sound
sleep. Clary sage has antidepressant properties with calming, uplifting,
euphoric effects. Clary sage is also good for PMS, menstrual cramps
and menopausal symptoms. Roman chamomile helps to relax and relieve
PMS, anxiety and tension. German chamomile soothes red, inflamed,
sensitive skin and allergic conditions such as eczema, psoriasis
and itchy, dry skin. It is also used for inflamed joints and muscular
pain. Marjoram can ease muscular pain as well. Chamomile, clary
sage, lavender, marjoram, neroli, sandalwood and ylang ylang are
oils that are both sedative and antidepressant, while bergamot,
geranium, melissa and rose can help to lift the mood without sedating.
A great evening bath to relax in is 12 drops of lavender and 3 drops
of neroli.
Elements of a Healthy Lifestyle
Good nutrition, physical exercise, relaxation, spirituality, positive
thinking, fun, laughter, creative expression, love, intimacy and
sexuality are all necessary elements that we must make time for
if we want to be healthy. Which of these elements are missing from
your life? Begin to incorporate them into your life now so you can
avoid a healing crisis and live with vitality.
Self-Love
Can we learn to love ourselves as much as we love our children?
We must if we are to truly instill self-love in our children. The
most important thing we can do for our children is to teach them
to love themselves. The best way to teach this is to model it. During
your daily meditation, visualize the face(s) of your child(ren)
and feel the intense love you have for them. Really get into this
feeling. Now hug yourself and direct this strong love toward yourself.
Feel it flowing through your entire body. Keep hugging yourself
and say, “I am worthy of self-love and attention. I take time to
nourish and nurture myself.” Write this down and post it all over
the house where you will see it and read it over and over again.
This is not silly. It is life-affirming and could actually save
your life.
Plan of Action
If you’ve always given to others and rarely to yourself, you may
encounter some resistance to this change from your kids, or maybe
even your husband, when you begin to take time for yourself. You
may need to explain to them the reasons why this is so important,
not only for you but for them as well. Write up a plan of action
for taking care of yourself regularly, sign it and have your husband
and children sign it so they know how serious you are. Include them
in the planning. Ask them what they would like to do while you’re
away to make it special for them. My daughter’s very first night
sleeping anywhere else but in my bed next to me was an adventure
of true delight for her. She now looks forward to sleeping over
at her friend’s house.
When you need alone time, let your children know that this alone
time is for them as well. We can teach our children that we need
quiet time and so do they.
Children can also be taught to meditate and do yoga right along
with you. Make sure you let them know that you are not abandoning
them. You are doing something that benefits them as well as you.
Most of all, let them know how much you value yourself. The art
of self-value is a wonderful gift to pass down to a child.
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Use the information provided on this site as an educational resource for determining your options and making your own informed choices. It is not intended as medical advice or to diagnose, prescribe, or treat any specific illness.