Ten Reasons
to Sleep Next to Your Child at Night
by Jan Hunt, M.Sc.
1.
Family co-sleeping takes full advantage of the ease of breastfeeding, as there
is no need to go to another room to get the child. A breastfeeding mother in a
"family bed" can easily feed her child without having to wake fully,
and can continue to get the important rest she needs. Thus co-sleeping encourages
mothers to extend breastfeeding and all of its numerous benefits for a longer
time.
2. According to sleep researcher James McKenna, co-sleeping increases
the chances that a parent can successfully intervene to help prevent a death,
whether that is due to a physiological condition or to a physical accident. He
reminds parents that "co-sleeping gives the parent the best opportunity to
hear the baby in crisis and to respond." He adds that "since protection
from SIDS may be related to the frequency and duration of breastfeeding, and because
babies breastfeed more when co-sleeping, this practice may help to protect some
breastfeeding infants."1
3. Gaps in breathing are normal during the
early months of infancy, and it is likely that the mother's breathing provides
important cues to her infant, reminding him to take a breath following exhalation,
preventing a SIDS situation from developing. Even if this reminder system fails,
the mother is nearby to help by arousing the infant. A breastfeeding mother and
baby tend to have coordinated sleeping and dreaming cycles, making her keenly
sensitive to her baby. If she is sleeping close by, she will awaken if there her
baby is having difficulty. But if the baby is alone, this type of life-saving
intervention cannot take place.
4. Any nighttime danger to a child is
reduced if there is an adult close by. Babies and children have perished in fires,
have been sexually abused by visiting relatives, have been abducted from their
bed, have been attacked by pets, have suffocated after vomiting, and have died
or been injured in various ways which could have been prevented had a parent been
nearby to help.
5. Suffocation is often listed as a danger of family co-sleeping.
However, this is a real danger in only two situations: a young infant sleeping
on a water-bed, thus unable to push himself up when needed, or a parent who is
too intoxicated by alcohol or drugs to attend to a child's needs. Obviously, a
child who is suffocating for any reason (such as a ribbon on sleepwear getting
around her neck, vomiting during sleep, asthmatic attacks) is far more likely
to rouse a parent who is sleeping nearby than one sleeping in a different room.
6. Family co-sleeping is often misunderstood as facilitating sexual abuse
of children by a parent. However, the opposite is true. Parents who develop deep
emotional bonds with their children by remaining close by and responsive at night,
as well as during the day, are far less likely to turn to abusive behavior of
any kind toward the children they love and cherish. Conversely, the fact that
a child sleeps alone has never been adequate protection against a parent who intends
sexual trespass, and may even make it easier for one parent to keep such activity
secret from the other.
7. Shared sleep can further prevent child abuse
by helping all family members to obtain the rest they need, especially if the
child is breastfeeding. The child does not have to suffer needlessly or cry to
bring his mother, and the mother can nurse half-asleep. The entire family awakes
refreshed, with no lingering resentment toward the baby for having disturbed their
sleep the night before. An exhausted parent is far more likely to abuse a child
than a well-rested mother or father who has enjoyed the presence of a happily
resting child through the night.
8. Crying is a signal provided by nature
that is meant to disturb the parents to ensure that the baby receives the care
he needs. But prolonged crying is stressful to all the family members. The sooner
the baby's needs are met, the more rest the baby and the entire family can have,
and the more energy they will have for the next day. A mother sleeping next to
her baby can utilize the instinctive response a new mother has to her baby's first
whimper, thus preventing the need for the hard crying that is so stressful to
the baby and to all other members of the family.
9. A deeper sense of
love and trust often develops between siblings who sleep near each other, lessening
sibling rivalry during waking hours. Siblings who share the night as well as the
day have a greater opportunity to build a deep and lasting relationship. Babies
and children who are separated from other family members during the day (parents
at work, siblings at school) can partially make up for these absences and reestablish
important emotional bonds by spending time at night together, and by the delightful
early morning family time that is otherwise often missed. Of course, home businesses
and unschooling can minimize separations and deepen family bonds during the day,
just as co-sleeping does at night.
10. Studies of adults in coma have
shown that the presence of another person in the room significantly improves heart
rate, heart rhythm, and blood pressure. It seems reasonable to assume that infants
and children derive similar health benefits to having others in the same room
with them.
A child who is cared for during the night as well as the
day receives constant reassurance of love and support, instead of having to cope
with feelings of fear, anger, and abandonment night after night. Children who
have felt safe through the night as well as the day with a loving parent close
by become adults who cope better with the inevitable stresses life brings. As
John Holt put it so eloquently, having feelings of love and safety in early life,
far from "spoiling" a child, is like "money in the bank":
a fund of trust, self-esteem and inner security which the child can draw on throughout
life's challenges.
1 James McKenna, Ph.D., Personal communication, June
2000. Reprinted with permission from the Natural Child Project at www.naturalchild.org.
Jan is the author of The Natural Child: Parenting from the Heart (2001)
and A Gift for Baby (2005). Jan offers telephone counseling on attachment
parenting, homeschooling, and personal matters. To request counseling, order her
books, or for other information, leave a message toll-free at 877-593-1547.
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Use the information provided on this site as an educational resource for determining your options and making your own informed choices. It is not intended as medical advice or to diagnose, prescribe, or treat any specific illness.