Feeling good is more important than anything else.
Life is short, especially our time being a parent. As a mother of a 22-year-old, I know this to be true. As moms, we spend way too much time worrying – worrying about what others think of us, worrying about getting things done, worrying about what our kids are doing and how to get them to cooperate more fully. All this worry is sucking our energy and vitality. It doesn’t help anyone and it’s not good.
The one thing that I regret about my parenting is that as a single mom, I spent way too much time worrying about all sorts of things and it affected my sleep, so I was tired much of the time. I wish I had taken better care of myself during those years. Here is an article I wrote about the Art of Self-Care for Mothers, describing a healing crisis I went through when my daughter was two:
20 years later, I’ve just recovered from a health issue that has shaken me to my core, turned my life upside down, and forced me to focus on self-care. I won’t go into the complex details, just know that it has not been fun. I am casting off old skin (literally) and releasing old ways of being. In addition to doing all the physical things that contribute to healing, I’ve been delving into the emotional and spiritual depths of myself. And that is where all the gifts are!
I’m trusting my inner wisdom in a deeper way. I’m learning to get out of my head and into my heart more frequently. I’m committed to noticing and deeply feeling everything I am feeling.
And I’m trying to find the joy in every moment, no matter how mundane, chaotic, annoying, or tragic it may seem. There is always something to be grateful for or happy about in every moment.
Feel as good as you can as often as you can!
In my opinion, this is the ultimate work of parenting.
But it’s so difficult, isn’t it?
Especially if you work outside the home in a full-time job, and many of you do. It’s a major challenge to balance work with family. Are you feeling stressed, rushed and tired a lot of the time?
What does your “happy place” look like? What does it take for you to get there?
It doesn’t have to be time-consuming. Sometimes you need an afternoon off to get a massage and go for a walk in nature. But everyday self-care can be done in any moment; sometimes all it takes is just a few deep breaths and just a little shift in thinking.
Here are some suggestions for maintaining a happier, more peaceful state of mind:
- Recognize your stressors and do whatever you can to minimize them or cut them out entirely
- Be in Nature. Nature is good medicine
- Breathe deeply, frequently.
- Exercise – do some sort of exercise every day, even if it’s only for about 10-20 minutes. The key is doing exercise that is the most fun for you.
- Meditate (even 3-5 minutes can make a difference)
- Practice yoga – if you can’t get to a class, there are yoga videos that you can follow, or just take a short break sometime during your day to do a couple of poses on your own.
- Take an aromatherapy bath
- Eat chocolate!
- Visualize how you want your life to be
- Find something to be happy about in each moment
- Self-expression – for me it’s singing, dancing, and writing. For you it may be painting or some other form of art.
- Let go of the need to control others’ perceptions, opinions and just BE you. There is no need to prove yourself to anyone.
- Cultivate empathy for yourself. You are doing the best you can.
- Try not to take it personally when your kids act out.
- Trust your intuition. Go with what feels right, what your natural instincts are telling you.
- Create more playtime with your children
- Sing, dance, and laugh a lot with your children
- Turn conflicts into playful fun – you can do this by doing something funny and unexpected to get your child to laugh.
- Make a list of all your child’s positive aspects. Focus on this.
- If you find yourself in fear or worry, find your natural state of love by getting out of your head and into your heart as often as you can.
- Ask for help. Just pick up the phone and ask a friend or family member for what you need to make your life easier.
- Find a supportive group of moms in your area and meet regularly to laugh, to cry, to support each other
- Ask yourself: Where are you sacrificing yourself to others and giving yourself away to the detriment of your integrity, health and well-being?
Do you want help connecting with your child to create more cooperation and harmony in your everyday life?
Do you want help and support in having more energy and a peaceful presence with your children?
Valerie Bettencourt CPC, Healthy Child’s expert parenting coach, is here for you if you are ready for a change. Valerie can help you overcome your current parenting challenges, establish a deeper connection with your kids, create a whole new level of cooperation within your family, and feel a lot better about parenting.
Valerie is now offering free sessions for parents – so you can talk about your parenting challenges and discover how you can achieve the results that you’re really wanting to see within your family in the shortest time possible.
Trust me, talking with Valerie could shift everything for you.
Read what clients say about Valerie:
“Before I met Valerie, I was at my breaking point as a parent. Despite what I thought was a great start, as my boys got older, our relationship was deteriorating. By the time they were 5 and 6, I was no longer the mom I had envisioned. I remembered my own childhood at their age and I wanted more than anything for my boys to have better memories. Here I was, a mom with all this early childhood education background, and yet, despite my best efforts, I was simply not the mom I wanted to be. I kept falling into uncomfortable default parenting patterns and hearing myself say, “I swore I would never say that.
Valerie helped change my relationship with my children and, unexpectedly, with myself. When I first spoke with her, I had very minimal hopes. All I wanted was to get my kids to school in the morning without yelling. That was it. Little did I know that Valerie would not only transform my relationship with my children, but in the process, she helped to transform my relationship with myself. And I am forever grateful for her gentle guidance and open heart.” – Mary Ann Higgins
So grateful to have you as my coach. I really appreciate the safe space you’ve created for me to share with you. Our session was very empowering for me… For the first time EVER, when I asked them to brush their teeth before bed they did it the first time! 😉 – Rhonda
Valerie, you are an incredible person. Thank you so much. You have this amazing positive energy about you that has an effect even through a telephone line. I can only imagine being in your presence. I can’t explain . . . but I feel rejuvenated and motivated. Such a breath of fresh air amidst all that has been going on. Thank you, thank you, thank you ???? – Gulnur R, North Palm Beach, FL